


I Saw Him First

by SilentSlayer



Series: Silent's Psycho Universe [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anger, Angst, Because I can, Betrayal, I Love All You Slayerettes, I am the Queen, I torture my characters, I'm Not Playing People Serious Canon Divergence, It's Called Silent's Psycho Universe for a Reason, Jealousy, Lost Love, Multi, Multiple Endings, Reunited and It Feels So Good, Silent is Psycho and She's Not Sorry for It, Tension, The Blonde Haired God is MINE!, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-13 00:44:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5688049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentSlayer/pseuds/SilentSlayer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen Rutherford takes a stroll down memory lane when one King Alistair, his former lover, walks into Redcliffe. The Lavellan knows though, and she is not happy to share what she has claim to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Reunions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Eternal_Garbage_of_a_Spotless_Mind](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eternal_Garbage_of_a_Spotless_Mind/gifts), [imjusthereforthefanporn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imjusthereforthefanporn/gifts).



> Basically more Whatsapp fun between Garbage and I. Inspired by Fanporn's tumblr account and a nice gif found there.   
> This one is going to be short. I cannot get myself involved in another epic fic. It is too long though, to go in the multidrabble universe. So looking at banging out 4 or so short chapters and calling it a day.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They Meet

Alistair had not seen him in years. It was only by chance that he saw him this time. Cullen had come to Redcliffe with the Herald, and the sight of his lost love almost caused the King to falter.

How long had it been since they last met? There was Kinloch, the Templar broken and crying with Alistair powerless to help. Then he became King and Cullen was transferred to Kirkwall. He saw him right before his departure, but that had been the last time.

The old feelings began stirring in Alistair's chest. He couldn't help stealing glances at the now Commander of the Inquisition. It was too much to bear, watching the small elf standing boldly at his former lover’s side. Cullen used to look at Alistair like that, but the years had been cruel and separated the King from the one he always wanted. Even when he had been with Cousland, his thoughts were always with his Templar.

The men needed to talk, and Alistair would get his chance soon enough.

*****

Cullen couldn't believe it. Alistair strolled into the room as if he owned the place. Well, technically he did but that was another matter.

What was once a boy was now a king before him. He threw the mages out of Ferelden with an unsettling grace. Cullen hardly recognized his former love. Gone were the days of awkward touches behind closed doors. No wonder Alistair kept his distance, he didn't need Cullen anymore.

The Herald was at his side, holding his hand for strength. Their romance was new, and yet Cullen was growing attached to her quickly. If only his feelings were not further confused by the man who fate had ripped away from him.

"Commander." The Lady called his name. He shook his head and realized he'd been openly staring at the king. He rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably and shifted closer to her.

"Yes, Herald?" Her soft smile met him and he eased into her calming presence. She always had that effect on him. Alistair had let him go, and it would be wrong to deny what he had in front of him. He would forget his lost love, and focus on the sweet Lavellan looking up at him with her doe eyes.

"You were gawking at King Alistair. Just thought you should close your mouth before someone else notices." She giggled and heat crept up his ears. He was embarrassed that she had noticed his slip, but he wouldn't let it happen again.

She shifted closer to him, their bodies almost brushing. He understood what she was doing. Lavellan was clearly staking her claim. Momentary jealousy flashed in her eyes before softening again. Maker’s breath, she knew. Damn Dalish rogues always were so perceptive.

Across the room, Alistair took notice. He stiffened, and his hand clenched at his side. The King would be damned if he lost his lover again, even to another hero.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay more craziness from me. Thought everyone would enjoy a little...distraction
> 
> Much love,
> 
> SS


	2. Old Flames and New Ones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen goes to Denerim. Stuff happens. Yeah that kind of stuff

Cullen wasn’t surprised when the invitation to Denerim arrived. It was not a summons per say, but more of a request. It would have been easier if the King demanded the meeting. The Commander had a choice, and either path he took would hurt the ones he cared for most. 

“Commander, just go. I saw you two in Redcliffe. You need this.” Lavellan sighed heavily, running a shaky hand through her hair. They were alone in her cabin, and he wrapped his arms protectively around her.

“I am needed here, with you.” His voice was pleading, and her gentle hands reached up to run her comforting fingers through his hair. 

“Lady Cassandra and Solas can work with the soldiers and mages while you are away. We need to prepare before sealing the Breach. Just...promise me you will come back. I know you need to say goodbye to him, but I will not let you say goodbye to me.” Determination shown on her face, and Cullen sucked in a ragged breath. He couldn’t deny that the old flame was lit, but the new one burned just as bright.

“I promise.” She kissed him then, a gentle reminder of all she had been to him. His pulse quickened, and a sigh escaped him as she pulled away.

“Remember, my dear Commander, if Cousland had survived the final battle, she would be his Queen.” He froze at her words as darkness flashed in her eyes. Her features contorted with a hateful sneer for only a moment, before softening back into that sweet smile. “I will await your return, Commander.”

He stood staring as she left, his mouth hanging open in disbelief. He had never known her to be anything but his charming elf. This jealous side of her was both flattering, and slightly scary. 

“What have I gotten myself into?” He groaned as he rubbed the back of his neck. This was going to be bad, really bad.

****

Alistair forced himself not to run to the stables as the news came of the Commander’s arrival. He instead busied himself with making sure his appearance was perfect. He fused in the mirror for several minutes, ensuring that his strawberry blonde hair looked just the way Cullen would remember it. His goatee had been shaved off long ago, but nothing could be done about that now. He even debated on putting his old armor, but decided against it. A king needed to look like a king in his own palace. 

Heavy footsteps came from the hall, and Alistair tried to look natural as he settled into his chair. He drained a glass of wine to calm his nerves, making his hands stop most of their shaking. 

The door clicked open, and he barely breathed as Cullen stepped into his office. The guard exited without a word, and the lovers spent several moments staring at each other. 

He wasn’t sure who moved first, but suddenly they were in the center of the room. Strong arms wrapped around his shoulders, and Alistair buried his face in the crook of the Commander’s neck. It had been too long, far too long. 

The past was forgotten as their lips met. Cullen moaned into the kiss, and the King felt his cock harden at the sound. He was tugging at the Commander’s armor, need burning in him for the man he had thought would never return. His lover only chuckled at his eagerness. 

“Did you miss me?” That half-smile flashed, and Alistair’s firm grip on Cullen’s hips tightened. Of course he had missed the man who haunted his dreams. 

“Naked...NOW!” He growled out the words, and the Commander’s eyes darkened in response. There was a time where the King would have been the one receiving orders from his lover, but he had changed. Years of loneliness had twisted him, and his one salvation stood before him. 

Cullen started to strip off his breastplate, a slight blush on his skin. Alistair had never known him to be shy before, but he found it endearing. 

Pale skin met his eyes, and he thanked the Maker that he was able to retain some of his control. There were more scars than before, most notably that one on the Commander’s lip. He would enjoy teasing that sensitive area slowly, but first there were more urgent needs. 

“Come here, Cullen.” A wicked light was in his lover’s eyes as he approached, and Alistair faded away into pure bliss.    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm slightly pissed off at my bitch Herald, and slightly upset at Cullen for not even trying to resist Alistair. Who could blame him though?  
> Oh well she is gonna be so PISSED!  
> I hope you like it Garbage. The end is near
> 
> Much Love,
> 
> SS


	3. Lavellan Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All you beautiful people get to choose from three different endings. Everybody say YAY!
> 
> For all you Cullavellan fans out there. The ending where Cullen chooses the Herald over the King

Cullen hadn’t meant for this to happen. He was supposed to just be here to talk. His armor and shirt laid on the floor, and Alistair was leaning against the desk with a hungry look in his eyes. The Commander had never felt so ashamed. 

“Alistair...we have to talk.” His voice shook, and the King’s face held confusion. “We... _ I _ can’t do this. Lavellan needs me. I’m sorry, but I only came to say goodbye.” 

Alistair looked as if someone punched him in the gut. Cullen avoided his gaze as he started reaching for his clothes. 

“Cullen, you can’t be serious.” Alistair came closer, reaching out and closing the gap between them. The Commander almost gave in, almost turned back to his past and embraced it fully. He couldn’t do it though. There was too much history, too much pain there. He had already betrayed enough of Lavellan’s trust, but he prayed to the Maker that she would forgive him. “I  _ am  _ serious. I shouldn’t have even come here.” 

Alistair’s hand jerked back. He now looked like the young recruit Cullen had met so long ago. Scared, lonely...The Commander shook his head to clear his thoughts. He had to stop living in a past with no future. 

“I have to go.” He was silent as he dressed quickly and fled Denerim. 

The King stared after him, his heart breaking as he lost the one he loved most.

*****

Lavellan smiled to herself as her Commander returned. She rushed to greet him, but he avoided her gaze. She knew what had happened, Leliana’s men had already reported the events of Denerim, and it was clear from Cullen’s eyes that he had left the past behind him.

“I knew you would come back.” In truth, she had been worried. None of that mattered though as he wrapped his arms around her. 

“I’m sorry, Vhenan. I…” He buried his face in her hair and breathed in her scent. She was shocked at the use of the Elvhen endearment. He had never called her that before. 

His regret hung in the air around them, and she had a choice to make. Could she let this go? Could she move on? 

“Sh...Cullen I love you. I forgive you.” In the end he had returned to her, that was all that mattered. He had resisted his greatest temptation, and she was willing to give him another chance. 

She planted a soft kiss on his cheek, and he sighed as relief washed over him. Leaving Alistair had been heartbreaking, but he knew Lavellan was the right choice in the end.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah cuz this would so work. I can see Alistair marching his army to Haven now and arriving about the time Corypheus does. Haha that would be hilarious.  
> "Excuse me evil Magister, let me just collect my runaway lover and go."  
> "Sure sure. I'm just here to kill the Herald."  
> "Oh how nice. I debated on killing her myself, but glad you can help out with that."  
> OMG I need sleep
> 
> Much love,
> 
> SS


	4. Alistair Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For all you Cullen/Alistair shippers out there. The chapter wherein Cullen chooses Alistair, plus a bonus at the end

The moment he saw his lost love, Cullen’s resolve broke. There was too much past there for him not to submit. He would feel guilty later. Lavellan would be devastated, but he needed this. He had always, and would always crave Alistair. 

They were now in the King’s bed, the Commander’s head resting on his lover’s shoulder. What had started in his office quickly spilled over into his bedchamber. Hours were lost in each other's arms. 

“I missed you, Cullen.” Alistair’s hands ran through the Commander’s soft golden curls. Cullen had never felt so at peace, and he never wanted to leave his lover’s side.

“I missed you as well.” He placed a soft kiss on the other man’s lips, and receive a growl as his reward. He could already feel desire burning along his skin again. 

“Are you ready for round two,  _ Commander _ ?” The King’s voice dropped low, and Cullen looked up to meet the fire of his eyes. His only answer was a smile as he pinned Alistair beneath him.

***** 

Lavellan saw the black stead approaching, and she let out the breath she had been holding for the last few days. He had stayed a lot longer than she had expected.

The tension fell from her shoulders at the return of her Commander. She had been so afraid that he wouldn’t come back to her. 

It wasn’t proper for her to run to the stables, but she did anyway. As she got closer to him a feeling of unease settled in the pit of her stomach. There was something wrong. It felt as if he didn’t want to return. He kept looking back down the road, and back towards Denerim. 

“Commander...” Her voice was barely a whisper as she called to him. She placed a steadying hand on his horse as he dismounted. Hollow eyes looked at her, the golden fire dimmed within them. 

“Herald,” he gave her a polite nod but he never met her gaze. A sickening feeling crawled over her skin. What had happened to her Cullen?

She reached for him, but he shrugged off her touch. His rejection stung, but she was still there for him.

“We need to talk, Herald.” The Commander started walking to the woods, and Lavellan’s mouth went dry. She followed quietly behind him, afraid of what he might say. 

The trees surrounded them as they walked away from Haven. Finally, when they were hidden from view, she couldn’t take waiting any longer. She grabbed his wrist, her slender fingers holding tight as she pulled him to a stop. “Cullen, please. Did he hurt you? What is going on?” 

“No but...Lavellan, I’m sorry.” 

Ice settled in her veins as he spoke. She felt like someone had stabbed her in the heart and she would now die a slow painful death. She knew, and yet she had to hear him say it. 

“W-what happened in Denerim?” She trembled from the pain welling up inside her. He wouldn’t look her in the face. She wanted to see his eyes. She wanted there to be a glimmer of hope for her. Still he wouldn’t, but at least he had the decency to look ashamed. 

“I...I betrayed you. I can’t live without Alistair.” 

He turned from her, and she could clearly see the love-bites on his neck. She wanted to scream, to kill something, anything. How could he? 

“I should have known,” her voice was hollow. Pain and anger fought for dominance inside her heart. “You think he  _ loves  _ you? _ I  _ loved you, more than anything on this Creator forsaken ground!  _ Fen'Harel ma ghilana _ .  _ Dirthara-ma! _ ” 

Lavellan stormed off through the snow, leaving him alone with his thoughts. It hadn’t gone well, but at least she hadn’t killed him.

*****

“Herald, if I may.” Solas appeared as she made her way back to her cabin. 

“This isn’t a good time.” Tears stung her face, and she didn’t want her closest friend to see her like this. 

He stepped in front of her, and she was forced to pause. She briefly looked up. His eyes held concern, and when his arms wrapped around her, she gave in and sobbed into his shoulder.

“ _ Emma lath _ , he is unworthy of you.” A gasp escaped her as Solas called her his love. She looked up at him, and he gently touched her cheek as a soft smile played on his lips. “Forgive me,  _ da’len _ , I didn’t mean to upset you further.”

Lavellan regarded the Elf before her with a new understanding. She had been a fool to give her heart to a shem. If Cullen could move on, then so could she. What was best for her was always right in front of her face, but only now could she see it.  

“May the Dread Wolf take him and his King.” Solas only chuckled at her curse as he led them away to her quarters. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I the only one who sees the irony of invoking the Dread Wolf while standing in front of him? Thank you so much Lilkjay for the Sollavellan idea.  
> Also this ending wouldn't work either. I can so see Solas killing off the lovers who hurt his precious little Vhenan. Can you say dream stalking? Gah what a creeper
> 
> Much Love,
> 
> SS


	5. Will the Real Ending Please Stand Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I should have titled this 'We All Give Cullen the One Finger Salute." Anyways, just read the chapter. Figured I would give everyone a little bonus ending for being so patient with my crazy ass.

Cullen couldn’t take the torment he felt. He had rejected both of them in the end. He wasn’t able to hurt one and be with the other, so he denied them all what they wanted. 

The Battle for Haven left him with so many regrets. He had thought Lavellan died fighting Corypheus, but she saved them all and returned to them whole. He had almost hugged her in the joy he felt, but one look from her had frozen him. 

With Solas’ help she led them to Skyhold. The vote had been unanimous to name her Inquisitor. Her power now rivaled that of even Empress Celene, but still she did not take a new man at her side. 

He knew Solas had tried to win her over, but her heart was untouchable after the Commander left her cold. 

And now, Cullen’s torture would only be deepened. King Alistair was arriving soon, and Inquisitor Lavellan awaited him. Maker’s breath, he prayed there was no bloodshed when those two met.

*****

“King Alistair, Skyhold welcomes you.” Honestly, Lavellan wanted to rip his face off, but she stayed put on her throne in the Main Hall. Josephine had given her specific orders to behave, and she would do her best. They needed the Ferelden’s in their pocket as much as they needed the Orlesians. Though, she had a feeling it would be easier to bring peace between Gaspard and his cousin than to have pleasant negotiations with the man before her.

“Inquisitor Lavellan, it is my honor.” He gave her a slight nod and her eyes narrowed. That King had ruined her life, well he and Cullen had. The Commander was still useful, but Alistair’s worth was debateable. She knew he had only come here for one reason.

“Let us speak somewhere more private, if we may.” Several gasps escaped the crowd that had gathered, and even Alistair looked a bit surprised at her words. Still, he took her arm as she stood, and they exited away from prying eyes.   

She tired of games, and wanted nothing more than to get to the point. The King was obvious here to reclaim his lost love, and the sooner they got this over with, the better. 

They disappeared into the War Room as she closed the heavy doors. It was the one place in the keep that she could speak freely, without having to worry about others listening in.

“I know why you are here, and you can have him. I don’t like playing with other people’s toys.” She turned with a cold look in her eyes, and the King matched her furious gaze. Lavellan was impressed. Most melted when she was like this, or at least looked away. 

“You think I want him? He left me standing in Denerim with a raging hard on and nothing else. I mean, the roll in the sheets would have been fun, but it isn’t like we could have really been together. I  _ am  _ still king.” Lavellan’s mouth fell open at his revelation, and she was slightly shocked by his frank manner of speaking. She had expected the King she had seen in Redcliffe, but what stood before her now was more like the stories of the warrior who had accompanied the Warden. Getting him away from the crowds made him more of the man he once was. 

She hated to admit that she had been wrong, but now she was curious as to why he was here. “Then what is your business in Skyhold?”

“Well, I guess my business is you. I always liked heros, and the fact that you are pretty helps. Ferelden has been too long without a queen. I figured I would start by asking the most powerful woman in Thedas. It would also really piss off a few people who I hate.” Lavellan was torn between being flattered, and telling him where he could shove his offer. The nerve of him, and yet she found herself considering it. The fact that he was so bold had piqued her interest. Plus, it would deeply hurt a certain Commander who had broken her heart. 

“As long as you don’t try to drag me back to that awful palace, then I accept. There’s no guarantee I’m going to live through this anyways.” Josephine would be so excited at her diplomatic skills. Of course, the Orlesians wouldn’t be happy, but Lavellan had never cared for their opinions. They also had that annoying accent. 

She had been lost in her thoughts, and only noticed Alistair was approaching when he was inches away. She could see why Cullen had fancied him so much. He wasn’t as tall as the Commander, but he was no less imposing. She had to admit that he was rather handsome too, and hopefully he didn’t stutter constantly. 

“I think this is going to be fun, really  _ fun _ .” She didn’t shy away as he pulled her close. When his lips possessed hers, she found herself strangely enjoying it. Who would have thought things would turn out this way?      

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone thank Garbage for the idea. This is what would have really happened as far as I'm concerned. Now everyone feel sorry for poor Cully Wully and give him hugs. I'm too busy sneaking away with Alistair to do so.  
> Also I would like to throw out there that I get tired of reading about weak Lavellans. Just because she's an elf doesn't mean she can't be a bad bitch. I love this one so much, and I love all the people who bothered reading more of my psychotic tendenicies. 
> 
> Much Love,
> 
> SS


	6. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because froggy asked for it. Lavellan tells her advisers of her intentions to marry

“You did  _ what _ ?” Lavellan had secured Ferelden in a powerful alliance. Now Alistair could refuse the Inquisition nothing. That should have been something everyone celebrated. She had expected the Antivan to be happy about the arrangement, but she had been wrong.

“I thought you would be impressed with my diplomacy skills.” She tried not to pout, but it was hard. Josephine was tapping her quill against her clipboard in annoyance, a stern glare in her eyes. Lavellan didn’t dare look at her other advisers.  

“King Alistair does have a large army at his disposal, and he is a warrior that survived the Fifth Blight.” Leliana was always the calm voice of reason. She was also the one who saved the Inquisitor from the constant messes she found herself in. 

“Yes but she should have consulted her advisers first.” Josephine’s eyes narrowed further as she continued speaking. “Did you even stop to think of the ramifications of your actions? I have worked so hard at winning the favor of Empress Celene and the Orlesians.” Somehow Josephine was able to sound terrifying even when she kept her voice low and pleasant.

“Gaspard would be a better king anyways.” Lavellan muttered under her breath. Luckily, no one else heard her. 

“I agree with the Lady Ambassador, this was a terrible idea.” Cullen finally chimed in. His face was a mix of anger and pain. She had been wondering when he would finally speak. His usually perfect hair was tousled from running his hand through it with frustration. She couldn’t stop the smile that lit her face from his discomfort. 

“Of course you would say that, Commander.” He met her stare for only a moment before looking away. Seeing him suffer was one of the great perks of being Alistair’s new queen. 

“Can we hold off on everyone’s personal feelings and focus for a moment? The Inquisitor has made her choice, and we are bound to follow her.” Leliana broke the tension before it could build further. The whispers of what happened after Redcliffe had died down, but everyone still knew the truth. Cullen and Lavellan tolerated each other, but just barely. 

“Well, at least it will be a grand affair to plan. You will look so lovely in white.” The Ambassador always found the silver lining in everything. She dreamily looked the Inquisitor over from head to toe. Lavellan felt slightly nauseated at the thought of what Josephine was scheming, unsure if her delight or her anger was more frightening.    

“I assume Alistair has agreed to allow you to continue as Inquisitor?” Leliana rescued her again before the Antivan could whisk her away for any dress fittings. The Inquisitor personally thought it would be rather fitting to wear her armor to the alter. 

“I know there is little faith in my negotiating skills, but I am no fool. Alistair will give the Inquisition his full support, and I will still defeat Corypheus. The Elder One must die after what happened at Haven.” No man was going to control the wild Dalish elf, not again. 

“Then I see no objection to your marriage. It will certainly give the people something to talk about.” The Spymaster gave a soft chuckle, and Lavellan almost groaned as she thought of the curious stares and rumors she would have to endure.  

“Thank you, Sister Nightingale. These kinds of marriages are just a front anyways. Merely a power play and false words. I will be forgotten within a week.” Sure Alistair had kissed her earlier, but it was just a formality. He would disappear back to Denerim after the wedding, and she would probably never see him again. He only cared about her status. 

“If you think that of Alistair, then you clearly do not know who you are marrying.” Leliana flashed her a wink, and Lavellan swallowed hard, that cold feeling growing in gut again. Maybe she should have talked to the others first. The Spymaster had known the King for years while she had barely spoke to the man before agreeing to be his bride. .  

“Either way, I have consented. Half of the Ferelden army will arrive within the week. Our Commander will have real soldiers at his disposal.” Cullen opened his mouth to respond, but quickly closed it. He was trying to burn a hole through the Inquisitor with his furious stare. 

She only smiled sweetly in response. She had so many plans in store for him. He would never forget the day he broke her heart.  

*****

Cullen was disgusted with the entire affair. Lavellan had even had the audacity to ask him to give her away! She stated that as the Commander he was the most qualified male for the job. He knew why she really did it though. She wanted him to be front and center when they publicly humiliated him.

It seemed Alistair and the Inquisitor were purposefully trying to enrage him. The King came often to Skyhold, and he made no secret of where he spent his nights. Lavellan’s screaming could be heard throughout the Main Hall. Maker damn them both. The blatant flaunting of their involvement was too much for Cullen to bear. He prayed he could make it through.    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I seriously have to stop before the Maker strikes me down for such blasphemy against our dear Commander. I'm sure the Cullen fan girls will be beating down my door soon enough.  
> Anyways hope you enjoyed the madness. The Universe can be a scary place. Congratulations on surviving it
> 
> Much Love,
> 
> SS


End file.
